Yeah...so...how ya been? Look, obviously, I've been in this situation before. In the last five posts, probably half of them have been explanations/excuses. Well, here's another one, but I'll just make it as inclusive as possible so any time there's another late post after an absence, you can just refer to this one post instead of me cluttering the feed with them, though I hope there won't be much need to in the future.
In the face of a shit economy and the eternal battle of family health problems, life hasn't been easy, as I'm sure it hasn't been for many others so I'm not going to run on and whine when I know you have your problems and so does the next guy and neither one of you need to hear someone else's. Anyway, such things obviously eat at any such writing time, as much as I hate it. I'm currently hanging around New York for a few months in the hope for a new job and a new place to live. In the meantime, I find I have the time to work on writing projects again, finally.
So, expect more posts coming again for at least the foreseeable future, though they will be slightly retooled. The idea to write about every new movie I saw was a good one, but under the weight of time and obligations, it became a foolish one. I have an entire notebook filled with notes and lists of what I watched in the hopes of writing about them and there's just no way I'll ever be able to catch up. Plus, I found myself sacrificing quality for quantity, trying to get through as many blurbs in as short a time as possible. I think out of that whole Road to 500 business, there was about three write-ups I actually feel were decent, and I have no idea why, but the Hellhounds one still strikes me as funny. (It reminds me of a post I saw by Tycho of Penny Arcade fame where he commented on one of the strips by saying it was one of those fleeting examples of quality writing he wished he could attain every time he touched ink to paper, or digits to pixels in our current state I guess.) But, moving on, I'm going to selectively pick what will be written and go a little more in-depth in the writing, as well as carrying on with the various features I had planned as I think they'll be fun.
Finally, if you're reading this, thank you for coming back, and I hope we'll both be here for a while.
It's been a while, I'll say that. I got preoccupied once again with fruitless job searching, delaying me from here even more but here I am again. While the Road to 500 ultimately failed, I still watched a hell of a lot of movies for it so I need to get going on them. With this post, I'm clearing out the last of the Fear Itself installments. While it ended up being mostly a mixed bag of disappointment steeped in "meh"-ness, I still believe in the concept of the series. If they would have only moved away from aping well-worn story avenues and tried something fresh while keeping in mind the time frame of the show, I think it would have turned out fantastic. I'm sure it'll be a while before anything like this is attempted again so we'll never know, I suppose.
83. Skin and Bones Larry Fessenden directs what's easily the best in the entire Fear Itself series. Doug Jones returns from a stint lost in the mountains that no man should have survived, only he's not quite the same man he was before. This is the only entry that I would go so far as to say it was actually creepy, primarily due to Doug Jones's performance. He's already an unsettling individual so it only takes a minimal of make up to push towards terrifying. His mannerisms come across as outright ghoulish here, obsessed with only one thing: meat. The ending takes place during one of the more grotesque meals I've seen prepared in a film. Even though not much is actually shown, the implication is enough to turn the stomach. Fessenden packs a lot of nuance in the too short running time, achieving more with his camera than any other director in this entire uneven film series. It carries the air of subtle menace that all of Fessenden films seem to excel at. This is the closest out of them all to feel like a true film. The only negative I can say is that it's not a feature length movie. I could see the ideas and characters easily being pushed into even greater limits outside of the confines of the Fear Itself format. Sights within: -World's worst case of anorexia. -Dude, what have you been doing with those fingers? -Art of cookery abuse. -Great, another 13 year old being portrayed with the mannerisms of a bratty 5 year old. -Try telling this guy to go vegan. -Best performance by a bowl of stew. Grade: A
84. Chance See, this is the problem with going through the Fear Itself films: they're all so damn middle of the road and generic, how can you keep writing about them when you've seen everything in them done better a thousand times, save for a few examples. Here, Ethan Embry is screwed out of his savings and commits a crime out of panic, only to find help in cleaning it up from his doppelganger. What follows is what you've seen in a hundred Hitchcockian movies. Gee, you think cops might show up and narrowly miss seeing that blood stain over there? You betcha. Embry is alright as the main character, though still not stretching much further than his typical awkward guy roles. John Dahl's direction perfectly perfunctory but nothing to write home about. The real sad thing is to see Vondie Curtis Hall killing time on something like this when he's capable of making such great movies. See it if you want, just don't expect to remember it much the next day. Sights within: -Nothing like delivering the most interesting parts of the story through expository dialog shoved into the opening of the film. -Best performance by a vase. -Double the Embrage. -Gridlock'd director abuse. -World's biggest prick of a double. Grade: D+
85. Spirit Box Rob Schmidt does his goddamned best to shoehorn an entire feature length run of the mill teen horror movie into forty minutes. Two teens get bored and play with an Ouija...sorry...spirit board (damn Hasbro) and find out a classmate demands vengeance on her murderer. Cue the Nancy Drew twins running around, digging up clues in as efficient a manner as the running time allows. This thing pretty much covers every base that any PG-13 teen horror film has already beaten into a pulp, including the predictable twist ending. The only benefit here is that it takes about half the typical running time to be disappointed so that you can begin forgetting all about it even sooner. Schmidt, who made one of the better Masters of Horror installments, does a commendable job of keeping the look of the film slick and the performances are decent. The problem here lies in the script. It's the same filler we've been fed for the last fifteen years or so now. Should you care? If you're over the age of 13, not really. Sights within: -The morons probably spent three hours on just prettying their pizza box up. -Best performance by the same goddamn swimming pool you see in just about every Canadian teen film. -Gym teacher abuse. -Yeah, just go on ahead and steal police evidence. You'll be fine. -World's biggest waste of Martin Donovan. Grade: C-
86. Echoes Okay, this one wasn't so bad, especially considering it comes from the outright bastard behind the Fog remake, one of the most despicable movies ever unleashed. Here, Pyro from the X-Men films rents an apartment in the heart of New Orleans and begins to be haunted by the past inhabitants. The film plays with the resonance of memories and past lives, with the feeling of prohibition-era New Orleans giving it a unique feel that rises it above similar stories. The problem remains that this still isn't terribly original. You know what will happen, save for a small twist in the specifics, so there's nothing that really drives you through the film other than the interplay between the two time frames. Aaron Stanford gives a great performance while Eric Balfour appears slimier than ever. It's a decent watch that I think could have gone a lot further if given the proper breathing room. Sights within: -Best performance by people kissing. They were so good, they drove two seperate guys into a murderous frenzy. -World's most unfortunately named couple: Maxie and Zelda. -Curb stompin', 1920's style. -Switchblade abuse. -How many baths can one person take before being labeled amphibious? Grade: B
87. The Circle At last, the final fucking Fear Itself. Too bad it ended on such a bummer. Johnathon Schaech is a philandering horror writer who gets his when out on a celebratory stint in the woods. When his book begins coming true, he has to own up to being the asshole he is. This one has an intriguing idea, though not necessarily an original one as keeping in line with the rest of the series, but the execution is flawed. Even ignoring my dislike for Schaech as an actor, the film suffers from the lack of money and time it would take to successfully pull off what they were trying to accomplish. Things seem like they're heading in the right direction, and then they just stop, another victim preyed upon by the restrictions placed by the series's format. Decent, but, (once again) you've been here before. Sights within: -Best performance by quarts of oil. -It's called The Circle, right? Let's shoehorn circles everywhere we can. -World's palest imitation of Stephen King. -What a random coven of witches. -Once again, shaky cam abuse. -Ah, here's where the witches come in, over-explaining where the air of mystery could have been much more effective. -What's more horrible: being the story's characters and reliving everything over and over, or having to watch Fear Itself over and over? Grade: C-
Movies Watched: 5 -Skin and Bones -Chance -Spirit Box -Echoes -The Circle New Movies Bought: 36 (Keep in mind, this is from the last five months or so. Even with almost no money I was able to either get these through gifts or found them for less than two bucks so unfortunately the glory days have not returned but I'm working hard now to get back to them.) -Outpost Doom -The Grand Horror -Paranormal Activity (blu) -Pig Hunt -The Tomb -Dark House -Grimm Love -Hunger (2010) -Road Kill -A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) (blu) -Splice (blu) -Halloween 2 (Rob Zombie) (blu) -The Human Centipede (blu) -Sorority Row (blu) -The Wolfman (2010) (blu) -Night of the Demons (2010) (blu) -The Changeling (Eastwood) (blu) -Black Kiss -Head Trauma -Scarlet Letter -To Live and Die in LA (blu) -Outlander (blu) -Mega Piranha (blu) -Lakeview Terrace -The Recruit -The Sweetest Thing -Angel of Death -Fast Food Nation -Antitrust -Next -Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties -Year One -Your Friends and Neighbors -Tailor of Panama -Talk to Her -Giallo Unseen DVDS: 3209 Unseen Blu-rays: 77 Unseen VHS: 119 Unseen DVD-R'S: 5
Is there something you need from me Are you having your fun I never agreed to be Your holy one
2010 saw the creation of this place and by some unexplained force, it's still here. As is the custom with just about any blog you'll come across, January is the time for lists. All sorts of them; best lists, worst lists, lists of lists, yadda yadda yadda. So here I am throwing my hat into the obligatory ring.
Problem is: I'm living in the past, man. I called this blog DVD Fiend because it's a tribute to the format that allowed for my obsession with films to take on an almost transcendent level of fanaticism. You'll notice that I also talk about theatrical films, blu-rays, vhs, and hell, sometimes nothing in general. The one thing in common is that they are all rooted in catalog titles. I'm more about digging into what's already come versus jumping on the bandwagon for what's out now and messing up my objective view on a film, which is why I'll wait a few years for the hoopla to die down about a movie before giving it a go like with Benjamin Button, though it didn't save that movie from being any less awful. Having a toddler doesn't help when you want to rush out and see Black Swan either.
Now, I used to be able to catch up when they hit home video (hence, the huge unwatched count at the bottom of the Pile of Shame posts) but I lost my job some time back and that hasn't been an option. So by and large, I've missed 2010 film-wise. Here's my Top list if you want to see everything from 2010 I've seen so far, including this year's After Dark Horrorfest titles:
Top Films of 2010 I Actually Watched: 1. Lake Mungo 2. Clash of the Titans 3. Predators 4. Dread 5. Splice 6. The Reeds 7. The Crazies 8. Piranha 3D 9. The Wolfman 10. Hidden 11. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World 12. The Final 13. Kill Theory 14. A Nightmare on Elm Street 15. Zombies of Mass Destruction 16. The Graves
Pretty much just genre stuff, none of the indies or dramas I would usually see and enjoy.
Top 10 Movies I Would Have Liked To See This Year: 1. Tron: Legacy 2. True Grit 3. Black Swan 4. The Town 5. The A-Team 6. Daybreakers 7. Toy Story 3 8. The Expendables 9. The King's Speech 10. Paranormal Activity 2
Top 10 Movies I Hope To Never See If I Can Help It: 1. Catfish 2. The Tooth Fairy 3. Furry Vengeance 4. The Spy Next Door 5. Alice in Wonderland 6. Death at a Funeral 7. Tangled 8. Yogi Bear 9. Salt 10. Robin Hood
Now, since this blog is all about watching past movies, here's the best movies I saw for the first time this year, many of which you'll find write-ups in the archives or they're coming soon.
Best First Time Viewings of 2010: 1. Grizzly Man 2. The Wicker Man (original) 3. Rolling Thunder 4. Black Belt Jones 5. Savage Streets 6. Dog Bite Dog 7. Forbidden Planet 8. Strangers on a Train 9. Lake Mungo 10. Cherry Blossoms 11. Prince of Darkness 12. Trick R Treat 13. Bug 14. Where the Wild Things Are 15. Vinyan 16. Home Movie 17. Girly 18. Drag Me to Hell 19. Triangle 20. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer 21. 100 Feet 22. Surveillance 23. Autopsy 24. Primal Rage 25. Hamlet 2
And of course, there can be no light without darkness:
Worst First Time Viewings of 2010: 1. Cemetery High 2. Fangoria Blood Drive, both of them 3. The Hitcher 2 4. The Happening 5. The Graves 6. The Brotherhood 3 7. The Strangers 8. The Cavern 9. Zombies of Mass Destruction 10. Ghost Game 11. Spirit Box 12. An American Carol 13. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 14. It Waits 15. Wicker Man (remake) 16. Hellhounds 17. Perkins 14 18. Hell's Bloody Devils 19. Bloody Murder 20. Choke 21. The Messengers 2 22. Jennifer's Body 23. The Final Destination 24. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button 25. Trancers 4 or 5, pick one
And now for some various other awards I singled out.
Best Trailer:
Best Poster: How did this shit get by so many producers without getting noticed?
Best Assassination of a Comic Book Character I've Always Loved: Jonah Hex
How Does He Keep Getting Work?: Ashton Kutcher
How Does She Keep Getting Work?: Rachel Miner
Most Overrated Movie I Saw: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World- I'm supposed to care about a whiny asshole that cheats on his girlfriend with an ice queen who not once did I ever buy that she was actually into him. And then somehow the movie becomes about his self-esteem? What the hell? If you get rid of the Scott and Ramona characters, I'd love it. Knives Chau stole the movie and should have been the focus.
Most Depressing: Curse of the Fly- The ending is almost Shakespeareanly tragic.
Most Disgusting: Deadgirl- Just icky.
Most WTF?: Sisters- It's been almost three months since I saw it and I still have no idea how I'm going to articulate my thoughts on this thing when I do the write-up.
Most Under-appreciated: Bug- Come on, it's amazingly engrossing and insane. If you've ever hung around meth-heads, you'll realize how spot on this is.
Best Movie Made On $500 Bucks: Outpost Doom- A genuinely interesting and fun throwback to classic horror movies.
Surprisingly Wasn't Completely Horrible: Stan Helsing
Movie I Would Have Walked Out Of And Fucking Killed Someone If I Had Actually Paid Money To See It: Catfish- Thanks to Dead Lantern's review, I know everything I need to know about this mis-marketed joke. It pisses me off and I haven't even seen it. Seriously, give their review a listen and tell me if you would still want to see it.
Best Score To A Movie I Haven't Seen: Tron: Legacy by Daft Punk- It's been months and I still haven't stopped listening to it.
Best Song Still Stuck in My Head After Seeing the Movie:
Movies I've Seen More Than I Ever Wanted To Thanks To My Son's Daily Rituals: 1. Garfield 2. Lilo and Stitch 3. Toy Story 4. Surf's Up 5. Monster House/Monsters Inc., depending on what type of mood he's in.
I think that's all I got at the moment. I'll end this saying that despite my outside pressures, I've had a lot of fun running this blog and it motivates me to push myself even more for the next year. I have to thank everyone that ends up here, through whatever means they arrive, for coming by and reading. I love finding new movies and exposing them to others, so if even one person goes and checks out a few new titles because of something they read here, I'm flattered. I thank you all again and here's to a cinematic 2011!
Alternatively titled: I Suck, Here's Why I Sucked, and Here's Hoping I Don't Suck So Much This Year.
I know many have been waiting with bated breath for the return of regular Fiend postings, okay maybe not but it'd be nice to imagine such, and an update on how goes the brain sucking marathon.
Well, I'll tell you up front, it did not happen.
I think it topped out around 273 or something like that, which some would say nearly 300 movies in three months is an achievement in and of itself, but I still see it as a mark of shame. I made a public bet and I fell through to which I apologize. You may have noticed that with my last post I promised a follow up post with my thoughts on another remake which would have been 2010's A Nightmare on Elm Street but it never materialized. Well okay, here's my reasons for why these and other planned events did not occur. Please don't take this as whining.
After I threw up the last post, we had what could be considered a very minor snow falling. While I laughed at this place freaking out over a quarter inch worth of snow, karma would have other plans. The next morning while returning some gear I slipped on a tiny patch of ice, apparently breaking one of my ribs. As I stood up, I think I heard the heavens laughing. Or it was my breath wheezing in and out. I don't know. Anyways, this naturally put a crimp on anything computer related as it felt as though Satan was running a belt sander under my arm every time I lifted it up. I lost two weeks worth of working time on both the blog and my college thesis film, putting me at odds with both. When I could operate a keyboard again, I found my file for the Elm Street posting missing and hasn't been seen from again, gone to the recycle bin forever it seems. Something I wish could happen to the film itself. December was pretty much committed to finishing the movie and graduating. (Shameless Plug #3: if you want a hint of how it came out check it out here)
All in all, during the entirety of December and most of November, I managed to watch all of one movie, which was The Ref, a heartfelt Christmas movie if there ever was one.
With my case presented, I stand here for your judgment. Do you continue to follow a welsher that can't live up to his bargains? Do you still kill time by reading the blathering of a writer who can't fulfill his work load? Is there anyone that's actually still reading this?
I hope there is because there's a lot coming up. Overlooking this post which was originally supposed to state why the Road to 500 didn't materialize and has now become one of the whiniest blog posts on the 'net, I think there's some really fun content brewing. I've still got over 200 horror movie write-ups to do from the Road to 500 debacle as well as the other movies I've been able to start catching up with. Over the next few days there should be your typical "end of the year" type of post, though done in a personalized Fiend fashion. And over the last week or so, I've been hard at work on a marathon of kaiju-like proportions that should be fun to type up. There'll be new features, essays, lists, and all types of movie nerd shit going on right here at the DVD Fiend so stay tuned and here's to a productive 2011.
(Truth be told, this is an old post from what was basically the prototype for this blog (some would argue this place is still in the beta phase which I wouldn't disagree with). I figured I'd post it here for archival purposes before its other home disappears. (Myspace, what the hell happened to you? It's like you're an assault victim desperately clinging to the idea that everything's fine.) Plus, I figured it'd be a nice companion to tomorrow's post where I'll do the same format for another film. Bet you can't guess which one?
Anyway, after I saw this thing in the theater, I was still so frustrated with it that I had to spit out the points that were bothering me in order to find the peace within once again. Sadly, I'm not exaggerating. Just ask my wife who witnessed me have an emotional freak-out while stuck in the theater, something I think I've just now gotten over from tomorrow's movie. Looking at this now, it strikes me as being even more profane than I usually am but I attribute that to the anger the movie induced. I'd like to imagine my writing's improved since then, an old adage I'll be saying about this come two years from now. There's probably more bitching points forgotten that I'll remember whenever I revisit the movie, but for now I'd like to think these are enough, even now almost two years later.)
Originally appeared on 2/19/2009: Okay, so I'm skipping class and having to use the school's computer since mine's screwed up right now, but I figured I'd have to vent while it's fresh. I liked the Leatherface remake enough and dug the hell out of the prequel, so I was wasn't expecting horrible things; and it's not like any of the original Jason flicks were that good. The only one that comes close to being a truly good movie was the very first one. The rest were just really fun in a schlocky way, so it's not like this one had too far to go to top the others. I just don't know how they could possibly fuck it up. Wow. Here's some individual thoughts. Beware, much of the film's....."plot" is spoiled below.
-The opening credits almost sent me into a seizure. By the time your eyes adjust to being strobed, they hit you with another one. From the very first second, the movie was just inviting The Rage out of me.
-Jason's mother sounds like she couldn't punish a poodle let alone kill a whole camp. She looks like she should be selling bibles.
-Okay, so we're introduced to the first group of losers. In a slasher, these are typically the opening fodder dispensed with in five minutes to set the rest of the movie up. But guess what? These fuckers hang around for what feels like half an hour at least. Maybe it was only fifteen minutes but it easily felt like twice that.
-What makes that all the worse is that these guys are insufferably annoying. Hell, if they had a black guy with them you already have all the stereotypes in the first batch. The jock, the vapid girlfriend, the stupid-ass comic relief, the survivor girl, and her helpful but naive boyfriend who'll get it in the end right before the end of the movie. That's right, this is it's entirely own movie, one that's completely uninteresting and boring as hell since you've already seen it a hundred times.
-Oh yeah, this movie has nudity out it's ass, as though that's going to make up for the rest of horseshit slung around. This movie has enough silicone and plastic to give Cher a new lease on life.
-So the chick finds a locket with a photo of Jason's mother on it, which apparently she looks like. Yep, at the 7 minute mark, I already knew the ending.
-So, uh, when did Jason become a Graboid? Call Kevin Bacon.
-Why the fuck does a summer camp have a boiler attached to labyrinthine tunnels? Were they smuggling slaves in the Civil War? Why does Fuller and Form think every horror movie has to have a set stolen from the Goonies and pumped up to be grittier?
-Oh, there's the title card. Shouldn't it have a "Part 3" by now?
-Oh, GODDMAMIT!! Are you fucking telling me we have to sit through a whole other half hour of setting up even more vapid characters than the first group? AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I literally almost walked out at this point.
-I swear to god, Trent is the love child of Tom Cruise and Christian Bale. Look:
-I almost want to say that the only character even remotely likable is Jared Paladecki, but then I realize that's only because I like him in every single other thing I've seen him in. His character in this is just as one note and flat as any other, it's just that he's trying hard to make it better. The Asian guy is the only one that's tolerable, and even that's only for a couple of scenes.
-When the hell did the 70's flocked haircuts comeback? I know dipshit skaters have had them for a while now, but when did the rest of the world drink the Kool-Aid? This movie is more flocked than most major migration paths for birds.
+Awesome! The Sentinel's playing the sheriff!
-...who only gets two lines.
-I honestly haven't heard just outright retarded dialog like this in years. Who fucking talks like that? At one point Trent complaints a woman's chest in mid-coitus by calling them "stupendous". Whaddafuck?
-Basically, this movie's concept for Jason was take Leatherface from the remake and make him look like a bum. Sorry, it doesn't scare me at all. In fact I ended up laughing at him in every scene. I've seen scarier looking people at the bus stop. Mentally stunted, clodding, something-not-quite-right Frankenstein's Monster Jason was freaky to me. Meth-head homeless Joe Jason is not. Simple.
-The mask's big reveal issss.....(drumroll)...under a pile of dirty linens and random shit that he slips on without even really giving a shit, helping us to not give a shit either.
-The kill's in the movie aren't even entertaining, which could have been it's only saving grace, but they all feel like a twelve year old tried to emulate shit from a Hostel movie. The weakest kills in the whole series to me.
-Sorry, I was wrong. Jason's apparently patterned after Ted Nugent. He sure is a good shot with that bow and arrow.
-Jason wants to hide from the world. This movie teaches us that the best way to do that is to light up your stomping grounds like a fucking funpark. "They'll never find me under these stadium lights." But there really is no explanation why every other scene at night is lit like there's a high school football game going on next door. You can actually count how many spotlights are being used in every shot. Platinum Dunes might want to look for at least one new guy to rig their lights. I know that guy with the hairlip has been around for a while, Mr. Bay, but I think it's time we let him go quietly into that good night.
-I swear to god, at least 30% of the movie was out of focus. I thought at first it was just the projector, but no, it was for specific shots. Hell, some shots would start in focus and then go completely soft by the end for no justifible reason. I can get why people use shaky cam, as much as I hate it. But if out of focus shots combined with fucking shaky cam becomes the new trend, then we, as a collective human race, are retarded. As someone who's capable of sight, I like to be able to see my movies.
+The only, and I mean only, good scene in the movie is when the black guy gets it (as though you didn't think he would). He's laying out there with an axe in his back and screaming, then it cuts back to the cabin where Trent is doing the whole "You're full of shit. There's nothing out there" spiel while you can still hear the black guy screaming for help offscreen. I was fucking dying laughing. I couldn't breathe. Holy shit. "It's cold out here" hahahahahahahaha
-Wow, Trent's death is very anticlimatic. I wish the truck driver had gone "Fuuuuuuuccck this" and peeled out. I know I would have laughed.
-Ohhh, the survivor girl got killed. What a twist! Maybe it would have mattered if anyone gave half a damn for even one of the characters instead of simply filling the quota of stock characters.
-You know the ending of Rob Zombie's Halloween where Michael's playing Rob Villa in the old house with the 2x4? Just take that but change it to homeless Jason in the tunnels (which somehow empty into an overturned bus? Huh? Was I seeing that right?) and there's your ending.
-See the sister there doing the whole momma routine? Yeah, I harken back to the seven minute mark.
- Really? That's how you try to top the last minute ending of the original? Just have a seat over there. We need to have a talk about some things.
-The credits are just now rolling but I swear to god this movie ended a lot earlier. My brain feels like it checked out halfway through.
The sad part is there was at least twice as many mental notes I had watching it, but even as I was leaving it was hard retaining any of them. The movie was so goddamn vapid I could barely hold onto a cohesive thought about it. I know I had watched it, but nothing stuck because every single thing was so meaningless throughout the entire movie. To put it in perspective, I wasn't this angry or frustrated coming out of The Unborn last month. Hell, I actually think I like Zombie's Halloween a little more after this. At least that could be entertaining as you watch it. This was just tedious. It felt like work sitting through it. Never before have I literally felt like I should be paid for watching a movie. The old movies, while not being very good, were a blast to watch. They're great for horror kids to watch and adults can get cheesy kicks out of them. Jason X is one of the most rewatchable movies to me just because of how fun it is. The pretentiousness of the remake just sickens me. It feels like they thought "Oh, we're going to make an actual good Jason movie" and were snubbing their noses at the past films, when those were at least enjoyable. The My Bloody Valentine remake puts it's bootheels to this movie's neck, man. You can tell it was made by people that really respect the original and other slsashers of the time and paid tribute while still doing their own thing. That movie grabs you by the throat by the opening shot and screams in your face "YOU READY FOR SOME FUN, FUCKERS? WOOOOOOOO!!!!!" And it's in 3-D. And it's got Tom Atkins. And 3-D midgets. Who get spiked to the ceiling. Holy shit, that sounds awesome, and I've already seen it! Go see that instead.
I'll let you know if the unrated Blu-ray of Friday the 13th is any better when I eventually buy it.
God, I'm such a tool.
(For the record, I did end up buying the blu-ray for about six bucks, proving that: indeed, I am a tool.)
These two have ruined studio horror as well as childhood memories for years. Consider them the Fiend's Most Wanted.
Hope you enjoyed what’s pretty much the one big “hurrah” for us horror fiends, sorry I haven’t been around much lately to celebrate it. What was supposed to be a pretty big month for the blog turned out to be complete absenteeism on my part. I had lists and features and all sorts of nerd boy rantings planned but unfortunately real life decided to kick my ass. Family health problems as well as having to shoot my thesis film robbed me of my writing time, soooooo…uh…..look forward to Halloween Fest 2011 here at DVD Fiend! But I do hope you stick around as things are starting to wind down a bit out here in the real world and the urge to blather about on here is coming back fierce. There should be new stuff soon and eventually I hope to be back into the full swing of things. There’s still the Road to 500 countdown which despite everything else, I’ve still had time to watch movies somehow. I think I left off somewhere around title #80 and I’ve watched weeeellll beyond that so I think I’ll be able to make my goal for the year, even if I end up still trying to catch up blog-wise well into next spring. I can tell you this; I will not be remiss for writing topics anytime soon.
Hi there! This certainly took way longer than it should have, didn't it? Crap keeps popping up and delaying everything. Something tells me this month is going to be crazy. Speaking of which, I'm hoping to have a post up tomorrow related to the month, but you never know what the hell will throw a monkey wrench in to the Mangler, grinding everything up. Anyway, here's the long-delayed final half of the top horror movie music videos. The last half was full of kitschy songs that I liked for their camp value, but this half's selections are songs I truly enjoy. I would willingly rock out to these songs any given time. So, at last, here you go. Rock on!
5. Alice Cooper - The Man Behind the Mask By the time the sixth Jason movie came out, the series had already established itself as a cultural icon. What better way to tap into that than a trendy music video for the kiddies? And what better way to reach them than by pairing up what was once the most shocking rocker of all time with the slasher with the highest body count? The result: a pretty damn corny rocker that fits right in line with the tone of the series at the time. Even though Alice was already showing his mileage at this point in the 80's, it didn't stop him from his leather and theatrics. It begins with him popping up in a theater showing Friday 6 and breaking glass over his head right in the patron's faces and eventually escalates with him whipping various his minions in an elaborate set, including one girl with black wings taking flight from a giant unicorn. What this has to do with a guy in a mask stabbing people, I have no idea. In the end, the song's cool and the video's a trip, so it's all good in the end.
4. The Dickies - Killer Klowns From Outer Space The perfect song for such a whacked out movie. The music sounds like it comes from a carnival in Hell as you whip around their most ludicrous roller coaster, meanwhile the singer sounds like a worm being choked out every time he hits the chorus. And yet, it works. It's catchy as hell and always brings a smile to whoever's listening to it. The video itself, besides the obligatory film clips, works with the movie pretty well. The band is dressed like an amalgamation of Mick Jagger, Sid Vicious, Ratt, Paul McCartney, and...an Amish guy, so wardrobe synchronization was never an issue here, apparently. Someone decided to bring these yahoos together and give them the power of judge, jury, and executioner. That's right. Together, they are Judge Dredd-ful. These rejects from the Cuckoo's Nest send a Klown to jail, and then torment him with their music until the other Klowns boot them and take over. At least, that's how I read the narrative, which I believe was penned by John Grisham.
3. The Ramones - Pet Sematary It takes a certain type of 8-year old to rip off Columbia House's video program, and I was that type. After committing mail fraud at an exceptionally young age, I watched this movie for the first time and was subsequently wrecked from it. Yet, I kept watching it. At the time it was the most adult movie I had ever seen and I thought it was great. It wasn't until years later that I found out The Ramones had recorded a tie-in song for it. I have no idea how an infectious, amazingly written (for The Ramones anyways) pop song became the banner advertisement for such a solemn, depressing movie, but I'm glad it happened. I can only assume it was due to Stephen King's personal love for the band. No matter how it came to be, it became one of my very favorite Ramones songs, over even "Beat on the Brat" which I sang to myself constantly throughout my elementary school tour of duty. While the video may not be anything fancy, just the sight of The Ramones playing this song at a graveyard while still in their prime is probably one of the coolest sights ever to be produced. It reeks of awesome. And cadavers. I can only hope that one day, my funeral will be exactly like this one.
2. Motorhead - Hellraiser Now, this is actually a newer one to me. If it wasn't for Youtube, I probably never would known there was any such thing as a Hellraiser-themed music video. It makes sense that it would be for the third one since that was the lone attempt at throwing money at the series to bring it to a Freddy Krueger-level of success. When I came across this video online, I was blown away. The song is simply awesome. Motorhead is known as a heavy metal band, but something about their music has always pushed them far above others in the same genre for me, so already I'm going to like this on some level. It may not be one of their hardest songs, but it's definitely one of their catchiest, maybe even over "Ace of Spades." Every time, and I mean every goddamn time, I hear this song, it's stuck in my head for days. I'll be walking to the store and I'll be set upon by an overpowering urge to start chanting "Hellraiser!" in a voice that sounds like gravel. It's like a disease for me. The video for the song is great. It incorporates the requisite film clips into the video far more seamlessly than most others and runs with their own storyline of Motorhead taking on Pinhead while others are turned into human-boar-beast cenobites patterned after the band's signature skull logo. Personally, I believe that if Pinhead were a real person, Lemmy would be one of the few people on the planet who wouldn't even bat an eye as he walked up and kicked the cenobite king right in the balls. That's just how he rolls.
1. Dr. Reanimator - Move Your Dead Bones And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the real deal. I liked the movie enough, but after it was over I flipped through the special features and came across this little number. Needless to say, my life was changed. Chills ran down my body as this giddy piece of eurotrash unfurled. I have no belief whatsoever that a musical entity entitled "Dr. Reanimator" existed before or after this movie, but for one shining moment, they conquered the world. I'm sure the underwear model front-lining the video had nothing to do with the creation or performance of the song, but whoever you are and wherever you are, you are a genius, Dr. Reanimator. This is a game-changer. There's a reason there hasn't been any horror tie-ins since this, the bar was just set so high. The only reason this isn't as revered as Citizen Kane is because no one had the inspiration to have Jeffrey Combs leading the goth rave-line while wearing a top-hat and monocle while twirling a cane. Prepare to have your mind blown:
The rants and ramblings of a lifelong film freak whose world was forever twisted by his obsession with home video. He must now tackle his growing pile of unwatched films before it consumes his whole life.
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